Supporting a Loved One with Cancer: Emotional Guidance & Meaningful Gifts

How to Support a Loved One Who Was Recently Diagnosed with Cancer

When someone you care about receives a cancer diagnosis, it can be a profoundly emotional and challenging time for both of you. Navigating the right way to offer support might seem daunting, but your presence and care can make a significant difference. Here, we provide guidance on how to show up emotionally, combat cancer ghosting, and offer meaningful gifts and acts of service to support your loved one through their journey.

Understanding the Reality of Cancer

Cancer is a prevalent disease that impacts millions of lives globally. According to the American Cancer Society, about 1.9 million new cancer cases are expected to be diagnosed in the United States alone in 2024. This means that nearly every family will face the challenge of supporting a loved one with cancer at some point in their lives. Knowing these statistics underscores the importance of being prepared to provide compassionate support.

How to provide emotional support

Being there emotionally for someone with cancer is crucial. It can be hard to know how to do that especially when you may have you’re own feelings you are navigating. Here are some ideas to show your support:

1. Listen Actively: Sometimes, the best support is simply listening. Let them express their fears, hopes, and frustrations without offering unsolicited advice or trying to fix things. Remind them that you are there and want to hear about their experience.
2. Be Present: Show up physically when possible. Your presence can be a great comfort. Whether it’s sitting with them during treatments, face-timing them during infusion days, or spending quiet time together at home or at a distance–your company matters.
3. Offer Reassurance: Remind them that they are not alone. Express your unwavering support by being consistent in checking on them even if they don’t always respond to you. For many recently diagnosed or going through treatment, responding to every text and call can feel overwhelming or tiring. Keep showing up even on the days they don’t get back to you if you can.
4. Respect Their Wishes: Everyone copes differently. Respect their boundaries and wishes, whether they need space or desire constant companionship. I’ve often heard from cancer patients how hard it is to respond to the statement, “Let me know what I can do for you,” especially early in diagnosis. Instead, you might try offer a few ideas of ways you are able to show up for them and let them choose what feels best. If you are unsure if you are pushing too much and they need space, ask that!

Cancer Ghosting

Cancer ghosting is a real thing. It occurs when friends and family distance themselves after a diagnosis, often due to discomfort or fear of saying the wrong thing. This can leave the patient feeling abandoned during a vulnerable time and heighten a sense of being different, too much, or feeling alone. Here’s how to combat it:

• Stay Educated: Learn about their specific type of cancer and treatment on your own time. This shows your commitment and helps you understand what they’re going through.
• Communicate Openly: Don’t shy away from discussing their diagnosis. Open, honest communication is key. Your loved one may not have a lot of people to talk openly with about their experience and being a safe space for them to do so is a great option of showing up for them.
• Join Support Networks: Engaging with Caregiver, Parent, Spouse and other support groups and organizations can provide additional ways to stay connected and involved.
• Examine Your Feelings: Very often, friends/family members of a loved one with cancer has their own reactions to this news. It may bring up feelings of overwhelm, fear, or anger. Be honest with yourself about what is going on for you and access any support you need, so that you can continue to show up for your person.

I Want To Give Them Something: Meaningful Gifts & Acts of Service

Thoughtful gifts and acts of service can bring comfort and ease the burdens faced by cancer patients. Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Port T-Shirts/Sweatshirts: Comfortable clothing designed to accommodate medical ports can be both practical and comforting.
2. Cancer-Related Gear: Ohyouresotough offer inspiring and empowering merchandise for cancer patients. https://www.humorbeatscancer.com/ is another company that offers funny and inspiring clothing for young adults navigating cancer. Consider your loved one’s interests and personality here.
3. Chemo Care Packages: Include items like ginger tea, cozy socks, nausea bands, gum or mints, soft and warm beanies, unscented lotions, books, puzzles, small art activities, nail care items, and lip balm to make treatment sessions more bearable. Keep in mind any restrictions they may have from their medical team on things they consume or apply to their bodies during treatment. Consider putting one together or buying a care package online.
4. Subscriptions: Audible, podcast, or movie subscriptions can provide hours of entertainment during long treatments or recovery periods. Gifting a book or subscription service can be a cool way for you stay engaged with your loved one throughout treatment as well.
5. Cleaning Services: A clean home can reduce stress. Hire a cleaning service to help them maintain a tidy living space. Check out agencies that offer free cleaning services to see if your loved one might benefit from this service: https://cleaningforareason.org/
6. Meal Delivery Gift Cards: Nutritional meals are essential, and having food delivered can be a huge relief. Door dash/Uber Eats gift cards, grocery delivery, or Walmart + memberships are all tangible solutions in this realm. You may also offer to provide meals, but keep in mind that your loved one is likely going to experience a variety of stomach complaints, may have food restrictions, or may be unable to eat things they normally love. Options are key.
7. Childcare Assistance: Offer to babysit or help with their children, giving them time to rest and recover. Offer to help with their’s child’s schoolwork, after school activities, or holiday preparation.
8. Appointment Support: Ask if you can accompany them to medical appointments, take notes, and offer emotional support during their infusion days. For many going through treatment, appointments can be very difficult to get through, remember, and understand. Having a second set of ears and eyes can make a big difference. You may also offer to supply them with a journal so they can take notes and write down their questions for their medical team.
9. Transportation: Offer rides to and from chemo or radiation appointments. Gas gift cards can also be helpful for those who need to drive long distances.

Things to Avoid

While gifts and acts of service are wonderful, there are some things to avoid:

• Flowers: Patients with compromised immune systems may not be able to enjoy flowers. Consider offering another item as a gift.
• Excessive Blankets: While cozy, patients often receive many blankets. Consider more unique gifts or offer items such as weighted blankets, heating pads, or epsom salts for pain management support.
• Gifts in Place of Support: Practical gifts are great, but they should not replace emotional and hands-on support.
• Insensitive Statements: Certain comments, even if well-intended, can be hurtful. Here are some examples and what to say instead:
• “Let me know what you need!” and then never following up. This can feel really hard for folks navigating cancer who may not know what they need when they are in crisis and can feel like an empty statement. Instead offer 2-3 options of ways you are able to show up for them.
• “At least you got the good cancer.” This can trivialize their experience and suggest that some cancers are not as serious or painful. Instead, say, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for you.”
• “It’s just hair.” Hair loss can be a significant and emotional loss for many patients. Instead, say, “Losing your hair must be really tough. How are you feeling about it?”
• “You’re gonna get a boob job, lucky you!” This can be incredibly insensitive and minimize the gravity of a mastectomy. Instead, say, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. I’m here to support you.”
• “Everything happens for a reason.” This can come across as dismissive of their pain and suffering. Instead, say, “I know this is really difficult. How can I best support you right now?”
• “You need to stay positive.” While positivity can be helpful, it’s unrealistic to expect someone to always feel positive during such a challenging time. It’s normal and to be expected for your loved one’s mood and outlook to wax and wane. Instead, say, “It’s okay to feel however you need to feel. I’m here for you through it all.”
• “God gives his hardest battles to his strongest warriors.” This can imply that they were given cancer because they are strong enough to handle it, which can feel like an undue burden or responsibility. Instead, say, “You’re incredibly strong, and I’m here to help you however I can,” or if your loved one is religious, “I’m going to be praying for you during this experience. Would you like to pray together?”

Supporting a loved one with cancer involves a blend of emotional presence, practical assistance, and understanding. Your efforts, big or small, can profoundly impact their journey. Stay connected, stay educated, and most importantly, show your love and support in ways that truly matter. Together, you can navigate this challenging time with strength and compassion.

Helpful Resources and Support Networks

Engaging with support groups and organizations can provide additional ways to stay connected and involved. Here are some resources that focus on AYA (Adolescent and Young Adult) cancer support and specific types of cancer:

Leukemia & Lymphoma Society: Supporting research and providing resources for blood cancer patients.

Ohyouresotough: Inspiring cancer-related gear.

Gilda’s Club Madison: Offers support and resources for cancer patients and their families.

Cactus Cancer: Provides resources and community for young adults facing cancer.

Ulman Foundation: Supports young adults and their loved ones impacted by cancer.

Elephants & Tea: A media company for AYA cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers.

American Cancer Society: Offers a wide range of resources for cancer patients and their families.

BrightSpot Network: Helps parents talk with their kids about their cancer diagnosis.

Cancer Survivor Network: A peer support community for cancer survivors and their families.

Reach to Recovery: Provides support for people facing breast cancer.

CancerCare: Offers free support services to anyone affected by cancer.

Various organizations focusing on specific types of cancer, such as:

Breast Cancer Organizations: Focusing on metastatic disease support and education.

Childhood Cancer Organizations: Supporting children with cancer.

Ovarian Cancer Organizations: Providing resources and support for ovarian cancer patients.

Head & Neck Cancer Organizations: Offering support and education for head and neck cancer patients.

Blood Cancer Organizations: Supporting patients with leukemia, lymphoma, and other blood cancers.

Pancreatic Cancer Organizations: Providing resources for pancreatic cancer patients